Posted by dad…
(Not a paid advertisement)
That’s right Parents! You too can save BIG money by buying your baby music CDs at discount marts! Since the music is Mastered in Canada and cases are printed in China, you can rest assured that your children will exceed the FDA requirements for nutritious lead and in turn grow up to be placid, happy babies!
Well, Zoe and I were tooling around in the car and the batteries had died in her Intellimirror thing, so I ripped open the two CD sets purchased from Tuesday Morning earlier in the week.
Into the CD player all 6 CDs went and Zoe blissed out to the sound of folkies and children’s choirs singing all our early childhood favorites:
- Waltzing Matilda (sans Tom Waits)
- I’ve been working on the railroad (children happily resisting child labor reform)
- The Ants go marching in (Communist manifesto)
- The wheels on the bus (more about this in the upcoming Baby Einstein or Baby Leary post)
- Take me out to the ballpark (and spend $1,000 on a day that will inspire one everlasting memory (for you that is) – barfing copious amounts of popcorn, peanuts and hot dogs mixed with Coke and Crackerjacks, while screaming about being bored and wanting to go home to the comfort of air conditioning, TV and video games)
As I basked in the throes of the psychotic break, enjoying the blur of traffic lights and street signs and barely audible buzzes, clicks and hypersonic voices of tiny children singing, something strange happened.
Birds started singing, vaguely discordant minor organ chords slipped by underneath the pop inspired beat. Familiar strains wafted from the stereo, I started craving deserts from Colorado, and then I snapped back to attention! What is that song?
(insert big double take head spin here)
Steppenwolf? Magic Carpet Ride? (legal disclaimer Words and music by John Kay and Rushton Moreve)
I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine (prescient ode to a Bose stereo?)
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night (Another ode to pharmacological nocturnal rest aids?)
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from hereWell, you don’t know what we can find
Why don’t you come with me little girl
On a magic carpet ride
You don’t know what we can see
Why don’t you tell your dreams to me
Fantasy will set you free
Close your eyes girl
Look inside girl
Let the sound take you away
Granted there is a fine line between childlike fantasy and pedophilic bizarity and the words were altered ever so slightly to become more gender neutral… but is that o.k., or did the predatory nature of the song just expand twofold?
Can anyone say Amber Alert should have a watch sign for whomever recorded this song and slipped it into the middle of a children’s CD?
If I want my daughter learning about the reality of life, I’ll just have her watch the same (Mature adult only warning labeled) Sesame Street episodes my wife and I grew up on!
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